Subtitle: some romantic drivel.
Note* I’m writing this on my cell phone late at night with no gasses on. There will be errors. There won’t be any cool gifs (I do love cool gifs). I might ramble. You’ve been warned.
So, I got engaged a month ago. I’m happy, blissful, content, and still appropriately angsty about things not making sense in the world (American politics, anyone?)
But tonight as I lay here summoning sleep, I remembered a YA book I read a few years ago where people were matched with their soulmate by a dystopian government pretending to be a utopian one. I don’t remember details. It was YA so it was romantic and there was melodrama. You can read about it here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matched
So, anyways, at one point in my life I might have desired to read my own personal “love book” or have some kind of bar code tattooed that only my soulmate could read (I know…too much YA, Karla), but as any good dystopian YA reader can tell you, you need freedom of choice to find happiness. Duh. But still. There’s something kind of tempting about having it all predestined, right?
I think back to before… on the unrequited love, the disappointing kisses, the heartbreak, and of course the (not wanting to admit it to myself) knowledge that I could only really open up to love when I was in the right place with myself.
Yup. True dat.
If I’d met Chris when we both lived in Japan at the same time, or when we both worked in the board of trade building in Bastion Square at the same time… using the same corridor and stairwell even, it wouldn’t have been what it is now because I wasn’t me now and he wasn’t him now.
I had a dream after we’d been dating a few months (when I was lamenting that we hadn’t met sooner) and my brain processed this lesson in the dream. We’d met and fallen in love and married and it was twenty years later (now) and we were unhappy. He was cruel (IRL he’s the kindest guy I’ve ever met) and angry… he didn’t laugh (IRL we laugh all the time) I woke up realizing that all the life experiences (good and not good) have made us who we are and now… it works. We get on. We have great times together. We teach each other. We are silly together. We are planning our wedding and having fun with it.
We met when we were both 42. It’s just right. The bad stuff in our lives have made us good for each other now. He’d say this is all very stoic of me.
And then there’s this thing about not having to change my up high lightbulbs (even though I f%*€ing can), and being able to have an executor for my will, and someone who I choose to be my family, and someone who loves me even when I have stinky farts (Kraft dinner, need I say more?)
These are the things I “need” now that I didn’t know I needed. I realize I need Chris, not because I can’t live without him, not because I depend on him, but because he’s my person. I’m better because of him. He’s better because of me.
So take from that what you need to and thanks for reading. You’re awesome!!
That’s all (for now)
karlamarlablog 