Yes, you read the title right. I am jumping off the HIGH diving board… into the pool below. The abyss that is perhaps the ultimate quest for us humans. We search high and low for the achievement of a deep breath upon reflection of how our lives are. We find ways to fill our cups and be able to look in the mirror, recognize the reflection, and feel with great certainty that we are seeking the right things in life.
The other night, I was asked, “Are you happy at work?” A simple and fairly innocuous question, right? One I might quickly answer with, “yes, thank you.” But this time I really thought about it, and have been reflecting on it since. What creates a feeling of happiness at work, in relationships, in solitary silence, in the abyss that is time and life experience? What is happiness, and how do we measure it?
A few years ago I posted a blog (which was on the previous platform that I used for blogging, and is no longer accessible to me… BOOOO) that was a response / review to the Simon Pegg film, Hector and the Search for Happiness. When I watched that film the first time, I was in quite a different place. I was in a place where I “felt” happy, but I wondered if I was really just plain ol’ “happy,” like content and fulfilled, and stuff? What Hector learned in that film, and what I learned along with him, is that happiness is not where we’re headed, or getting the next thing. Happiness is the journey, and seeing what I have now, right in front of me.
So, here’s the exciting news. Now I can say, with abandon and with certainty that I am happy! Truly, completely, wind blowing in my hair, good cuddles on a cool night, belly laughter filling the room — happy! I get to work doing something I really care about, I have a home I love, I have good relationships with all the people in my life, I have a great guy who challenges me and asks me the big questions and really wants to hear my answers, I live in a place with seasons where I can see the beauty of nature, and I’m on an island with beautiful mountain views. I have opportunities to seek and share truth with people, I have places to go and things to see when I have a shitty day. I have a full pantry, the best bathtub, a decent bank balance (along with a decent credit card balance, I should add), and I have this dog who basically worships the ground I walk on and a cat who reminds me that he is to be worshipped. Really, I have everything I need because of what God has done for me. Now what?
Have you ever looked up happiness in the dictionary? I just did.
Positive emotions, contentment, joy, good fortune. Hmmmmm. Taking a deeper look at happiness, I realize it’s also about fulfillment, and yes, JOY. I’m gonna look at these more deeply.
Let’s start with contentment. To me, contentment is that feeling… after a good healthy supper (with a not so healthy decadent dessert), when you’ve just had a nice hot bath on a cool night, put on cozy pyjamas, and climbed into a soft (but firm) bed with a fluffy comforter, and taken a deep breath and just “fallen” into it, and you have a good book to read. Contentment is the lack of worry or anxiety. It’s kind of the feeling I had my first night in my new condo, knowing I could do it. Not that it would always be easy, but that somehow like the mountain that was getting the place to begin with, everything would be okay. That was a good night, even though I was sleeping on a mat on the floor, I had boxes all over the place, and my cat Max was meowing like crazy… I felt contentment. I felt like I had everything I needed to “be me” at that moment.
Fulfillment, I would describe as seeing the fruit of my hard work. When I received my certificate and saw the note *with excellence next to my name on the list of graduates, I felt like all that work was worth it. I spent hours and weeks and months and in the end two years agonizing over research and articulating my thoughts well in writing and being able to apply the concepts of chaplaincy in my work as a chaplain. Fulfillment is when a guy comes in for a counselling “session” with me and walks away feeling better, having a clear goal for now. Fulfillment is when I just cleaned my coffee pot and then make a cup of the best dark roast coffee ever. Fulfillment is when I have just cleaned my house thoroughly and I’m running a bubble bath.
Joy. So, when you plan to do something fun and you are excited and looking forward to it, and then have a good time, that’s a great feeling, right? And then there are those moments when you run into old friends unexpectedly, get some good news from someone you love, accidentally choose the best thing ever to watch on Netflix, go to a concert and get teary when they play a love song you remembering hearing and wondering if it would ever be real for you, and in that very moment realizing it’s real for you now… So this unexpected and serendipitous happiness, that’s joy to me. It’s a happiness that you can’t expect. Some might say joy comes from the divine, and that can certainly be true. Joy can also be when you are preparing for the worst and the best happens. It can be sudden and it can be growing, but it’s kind of bigger than just being happy. Right?
Having reflected on happiness, joy, and contentment, let’s now consider the opposite. When we make choices in life, we choose the whole package. CS Lewis wrote in his book, The Problem of Pain, when we choose love, we choose pain.
This week I read an article that was an excerpt from Mark Manson’s book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Guide to Living A Good Life. In this section, he talks about how the struggle we choose might actually be as important as the good things we seek. I couldn’t help but reflect that this is much like what CS Lewis was saying. When I took this job that I love, I was also choosing to mourn more than I ever have in my life. I was choosing to expose myself to actual danger. When I chose to move to Victoria, I was saying goodbye to the people I knew and loved, not knowing whether I would make my place here, and yes… everyday in a relationship is the choice to feel and take that chance… something bad could always happen and those difficulties are part of the happiness. I would go as far as to say that life is void without pain. Pain is how we know we are alive.
An aside… when you read something of mine, you know you might find a segue to theology… just give me moment here… There is this evil in the world… the prosperity gospel, the theology of glory… it really messes us up. It teaches that if we do this right thing, in many cases choosing a particular religion, that our lives will suddenly fit as we’ve always hoped they would. If our faith in said religion is strong enough, life will be bliss. This haunts us and steals our happiness, because life is hard and the world is not how it’s meant to be…
Anyways, happiness.
We can be happy even when the world isn’t as it should be… or even when we are in the midst of pain, even when we don’t have a ton of hope… right? So… in a sudden conclusion and an attempt to learn from you, the wise people I love on this planet… please share your thoughts on happiness and what it all means to you.
That’s all from me (for now).
karlamarlablog 